Paying Dues and Porcelain Gods

My stomach
More and more frequently
Has decided to
Pay its debt to
The silky white
Porcelain Gods.
I always feel it coming.
I get on my knees
Pull the seat up
Try to hold my hair back
And give up the fight
With the nasty bile
That has filled my
Throat, and it feels, lungs.
I wretch.
I stand
Wipe my face.
Then suddenly I’m back to my knees.
Today is different.
I keep going to my knees.
Trying to wipe my mouth,
Trying to stop sneezing,
Burning liquids projecting from my nose.
Finally after what must be hours
I get in the shower
And then I’m back on my knees
Wondering how much my stomach has left.
I keep wretching.
Again and again.
I watch my nutrients leave me.
Eventually I lie there just dry heaving.
When I’m finally done
I feel so-
Weak
Dazed
Childlike
Disgusted
And the pain.
That never ending. Empty. Pain.
Please leave.
I’ll ask once more.
Please.
I feel as though I have paid
All my dues to the porcelain gods.

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